My first address

Mahua Roy
c/o Mr Ajit kumar Roy
Qtr.no. J-41,Sagarbhanga Colony
Durgapur 713211

The address where my school friends wrote me letters, where brother Kevin wrote me so many letters ( maximum letters I received from a person in school life). This was the place where my parents came after their wedding ( I have to check with maa once). Here my choto pishi (Jayanti pishi) got married to Tapan pishemoshai. My parents and jethu and jethima lived here together for some years (.....). My grandparents came and stayed here with all of us. I have heard from maa that there were no windows panes when she came here, there was not gas connection, no refrigerator, no cot,no mattress.
   The design of the apartment is as follows: there are two rooms and a dining room and kitchen and a bathroom. Oh and the balcony! I liked the balcony which was more wide open, now it has iron grills covered all around due to safety I guess. It is in the second floor. When my parents were very just married, they had spent golden moments here. Our neighborhood was very friendly. Our block were full of kind people. On the ground floor lived Moitro kaku and kakima and later one came Shibu da. I was very scared of kaku because he was very huge, he had a very heavy masculine voice and he used to cuddle my cheeks a lot because I was very chubby. Moitro kaku was baba's best friend ...so he is much loved now. He was even very possessive about baba..Maa says!  Next to them lived Bishu kaku and he still lives there with his family. On the first floor lived Opu dar maa . Maa was very closed to kakima. They all did experiments with cooking. They used to exchange dishes. Opu da's family was from East Bengal. So maa used to get the shutki mach from them. She used to cook only the rice and kakima used to pass on the dried fish to maa. Next to Opu da family stayed Karmakar kakima. I think that was the first time I heard Bangal language (the bengali language of East Bengal). I liked it very much.I think I learnt that bengali can be spoken in different dialects from their family. Secondly I learnt that there is a word called 'business' because there had a Gold shop in Ghosh market. I still meet Karmakar kakima when I visit Durgapur. I like the way she still carries herself at this age. The funniest part was our next door neighbour! That kept changing like seasons. I really dont remember many of them....let me brainstorm..may be didibhai will throw some light upon this later on...
Madhu dir maa, Renu kakima, Bidhan kaku, Banerji kakima...thats all I remember. We had very good relation with Renu kakima and Munshi kaku and Babu. Babu addressed me and didibhai as Chordibhai and Bordibhai. He was a very cute boy.Later on they shifted but still we used to visit frequently to learn how to play chess. Maa was very particular about all these parts of our developing age. So Munshi kaku taught chess, kakima was very pretty and she used to cook awesome during Eid. My next close family was Bidhan Kaku's family. They were a family of 4 - Dadu, thakuma, Bidhan Kaku, Kakima and Mathur kaku came sometimes and also Shyamoli pishi with her family. Mathur kaku got married during their stay here. Dadu and thakuma were very loving. Kaku was very witty and Bubu kakima had long hair and she was very quiet. Mathur kaku never spoke while he ate food. All these little things were so exciting for us that we kept going there to see kakima's long braided hair, Mathur kaku eating silently ( how impossible was that). Bubu kakima gave birth to Habla ( name was coined by maa). Habla was fed many times by maa because kakima was not able to handle that little fellow. I hardly remember our two main doors closed except nighttime. Such was the bonding. Until one day at 4am morning kakima knocked our door to call maa baba and said that kaku was drunk and he was lying down somewhere near the garden downstairs. The word "drunk" was so horrifying to us. I can associate the word with fear, hatred,illness, liver, cancer, death. Kaku had deep respect for maa and baba. He apologized to them and it took sometime to make things normal. Didibhai and I were also shocked and it was like  ' How can Bidhan kaku drink alcohol?' Then we imagined that he will have a liver problem and then he will die...what will happen to kakima and Habla...bla bla bla. Overthinking can start from that age.
So this flat of ours is a witness of numerous episodes of so many lives. Our birth, our childhood, our teenage, teenage crushes,infatuation, the transitions of all the phases, board exams, educational developments, sicknesses, deaths of elderly people, wedding, child birth of the third generation. In short whatever incidents can happen in a lifetime. It´s an institution to be precise. We saw love, hatred, birth, death,celebrations..too many to list here.
 Death is an ultimate truth of life. I realized when baba left his body that nobody takes anything and that too the realization came more when we were in the burning ghat. Some words that I will never forget..Jamaibabu saying that we will never ever see this person in our life. Secondly in the burning ghat we all were sitting and we all were talking normal conversation. At the back of my mind I remembered that I had heard this before....you dont cry in the burning ghat. It´s so strange but it´s true. When any human mind is fighting a battle just visit the ultimate visual destination of life. The ashes of baba is the picture in my mind which teaches a lot. Everything is temporary in life. The happy moments as well as the sad moments. We sisters had a childhood which was almost like a learning ...we had the rivalry moments because of our society, our parents who compared us a lot. Sometimes I was on the top and sometimes didibhai. But while growing up we kept discussing incidents and classified the different taboos of our society. We laugh over them now and we are healed. We dont want to repeat the same with our children and we dont do it consciously.
I have loving memories of this address that at any point of time each and every corner, the walls, the furniture, the smell, the fans, the floor and the ceiling will win over any other mansion. This is not an attachment, rather gratitude. Gratitude to my parents and my sister. It will remain forever.

Yoga and Pranayama

August 2005
I was then a mother of a 3 months old and I was in Durgapur. After I went to my parents, I visited the Pharmacy once and the weighing machine peeped out of a corner. I asked the owner if I can check my weight. Somebody laughed at my weight and I became conscious. There were several reasons for the enormous increase in my weight. No, I was never a slim and trim person but was not obese either. I did not get the chance to do much sports too. So, that day I came back home. I used to have sleepless nights due to the little baby but August definitely was better than June July because he had started sleeping a little bit more. I don´t remember from where I heard about Pranayama and yoga classes shown on Astha channel by Ramdev baba but I thought of giving it a try. I used to get up at 4.30 am everyday and started following his yoga. It was for 45min to 1 hour. Again in the evening I used to do for another 60 minutes. I had a great experience. I had lost around 8kgs in 20 days. It was a miracle. I have to add that my mother gave me the healthiest food ever which contributed to my sincerity. Breastfeeding too helped. I realized that the weight loss was not the only gift from the yoga and pranayama but also the freshness of my mind. The post partum depression (I think I had)disappeared. Its easy to loose weight after delivering a baby within a year. 
The second awareness came in 2014 or 2015. We lived in Weinstadt and I felt the need of joining Zott studio because of the varied activities there. I tried Zumba and workouts and Hatha  yoga and Vinyasa Yoga. And then again that awakening happened. I got addicted in a positive note. I used to complete all my work in time just to shed those sweat. Yes I used to sweat unbelievably. Its a different experience altogether. I went thrice a week. After 2 months the trainer was surprised positively at my weight loss. All the extra bulges disappeared. I started feeling happy, contented, got repelled by unhealthy food, did not feel like binge eating. All these at one go.  Another achievement was Suryanamaskar. I learnt it from the trainers there. She taught it with so much devotion. And chanted the mantras too and told the meaning. After few months we shifted to Feuerbach and again I had the discontinuity.  But thanks to IT Stuttgart that Ram Paul ji started Yoga classes in Killesberg Park every Sunday. It was an amazing experience because it was just like 2005, the same technique and sequence and challenges. He also followed Patanjali yoga and Ramdev. The added benefit was that it was in the midst of Mother Nature.
Last but not the least I am indebted to Delay dont deny intermittent fasting group. I now know what to eat and when to eat. It is important to know your body. It is important to feel hungry. I could experience the journey of 12-12 IF phase to 20-4 IF phase. I have done these even with a very active day. It is more in our mind. Keep in mind that you will face obstacles in this path..but delay and dont deny. Intermittent fasting needs planning, planning and planning. It needs willpower. It needs humor. It needs consistency. It needs hydration of the body. IF showed me what a magic this solvent does to our body. I have two very encouraging friends in this journey and we three keep pushing and patting each other.
Another addition to this..lately I have started Suryanamaskars (Yogalates with Rashmi). Its such a refreshing way to start the day! Right now I have reached 24 rounds of Suryanamaskars! It is amazing!
The world right now is fighting the Corona Virus and time is quite different. There is uncertainty, pain, emptiness and many other challenges which I am not even aware of. Some evenings are too dull and then the question arises..when will this battle end! But I am not anxious and my body is not yet controlled by my anxious mind. I am battling this with a routine where Pranayama, Yoga, meditation plays a major role. I dont have time ...I dont say this anymore. If I have time to eat to survive, then I do have the time to take care of my soul and this body. Only then I can live happily and keep the sufferers in my prayers.
I would like to summarize that I dont do yoga, pranayama, meditation for reaching any weight goal but to remain fit mentally and physically.
Please comment and let me know if I can help you!

কালো সাহেবের মেয়ে ইশকুল পালিয়ে। ..marie ann ...খুব জনপ্রিয় গান। মৌলি খুব শুনতো এই গান টা। আরও অনেক অঞ্জন দত্তের গান শুনতো ,শুনতো সুমন এর গান। মনের মধ্যে মিশে ছিল নচিকেতা, অন্যদিকে জীবনানন্দ। বুঝতে পারেনি তখন যে সত্যি একদিন সে পালিয়ে যাবে মেধাবী নিম্নমদ্ধবিত্ত ঘরের অপুর সঙ্গে।

অপুর মেধার কোনো ইয়ত্তা ছিল না। দুজনের দেখা হয়েছিল টিউশন এ। এদিকে মৌলি অপুর থেকে বয়সে সামান্য বড়।  দুজনের বাড়ি থেকে প্রবল আপত্তি ছিল। কারণ অবশ্য ওই আর কি.....স্টেটাস এর পার্থক্য, বয়সের পার্থক্য । তারপর মান অভিমান এর বাঁধ ভেঙে একদিন আবার সব স্বাভাবিক হয়ে ওঠে. মৌলি ছিল খুব ছটফটে ,ওর ছিল এক শিশু  সুলভ মন. ছোট থেকে বড় হয়েছিল বাবা মা আর ভাই এর মদ্ধমনি হয়ে। তাই বাবা মা মেনে নিলেন বিয়েটা। অন্য দিকে অপুর বাড়ি ও বৌ কে বরণ করলেন মৌলি কে।  মৌলি আর অপু অভ্যাস বসত নিজেদের কে 'তুই ' বলে সম্বোধন করতো। বিয়ের পর সেই অভ্যাস থেকে নিজেদের কে বেরোতে হলো।  আমাদের সমাজ তো! তুই বললে যদি সন্মান হানি হয় :-)। এরকম অনেক ছোট ছোট ঘটনা ঘটে যেটা মৌলি বুঝতে পারতো যে তাকে ইঙ্গিত করে বলা হচ্ছে কিন্তু খুব মার্জিত সভ্য ভাষাতে।  এরকম ভাবে তিন বছর কেটে গেল।  সেই প্রাণবন্ত মেয়ে সংসার আর সমাজের চাপ এ পরে খুব শান্ত একটা নারী তে পরিণত হলো। ভাবলো এটাই তো স্বাভাবিক। অপু ও কিন্তু বেশ পাল্টে যাচ্ছে। কথা কম বলে ,কাজ নিয়ে ব্যস্ত ,নিজের পরিবার কে নিয়ে ব্যস্ত। হ্যাঁ বলা হয়নি ওদের কর্মের কথা. অপু খুব ভালো একটা চাকরি করতো একটা কলেজ এ। রিসার্চ এর কাজেও খুব ব্যস্ত থাকতো অপু। মৌলি একটা স্কুল  এ পড়াতো।  এভাবে ভালো মন্দে কেটে যাচ্ছিলো। অপু একদিন মৌলি কে জানালো যে সে চাকরি বদলাতে চাই।  অনেক জায়গা তে apply করছে। মাস খানেক পর আমেরিকার এক কলেজ এ ওকে অ্যাসিস্ট্যান্ট প্রফেসর হিসেবে নিযুক্ত করা হলো।  মৌলি ও খুশি। নতুন দেশ, কত এক্সসাইটমেন্ট। ভাবলো অপু ও হয়তো একটু বদলাবে।সেই আশা নিয়ে পারি দিলো আমেরিকার Philadelphia  তে। সব কিছু নতুন এখানে। নিয়ম কানুন আদব কায়দা। মৌলি কাওকে চেনে না। কিছুদিন তো কেটে গেল সব কিছু দেখে বুঝে নিতে নিতে।  কিন্তু তারপর!!! অপু চলে যাই কর্মক্ষেত্রে আর মৌলি বসে থাকে চার দেয়ালের মধ্যে। কি একাকিত্ত।  অপু তো কথাই  বলে না।  তার স্ববাব আরো  বদলাচ্ছে। আজকাল রাত্রে দেরি করে ফেরে, মদ্য পান ও করে খুব ঘনঘন। ঝগড়া করে খুব। এভাবে বেশ কিছুদিন কাটে। মৌলি কাওকে বলেনা এসব।  ভাবে এটা হয়তো ক্ষনিকের একটা সমস্যা। আরও কটা দিন দেখিনা ! সব কথা মা বাবা কে জানানো তা খুব immaturity মনে হতো ওর কারণ অনেক সমস্যা মুহূর্তের জন্য আসে আবার সময় এর সাথে সাথে মিলিয়ে যাই।  কিন্তু কিছু দিন পর বুঝলো যে এই সমস্যা মেটার নয়। রাগে দুঃখে ঘর থেকে বেরিয়ে পড়লো মৌলি। জানে না কোথায় যাবে। কেউ তো নেই তার এই শহরে। অভিমানের আগুন জ্বলছে ওর চোখে। অনেক কিছু ত্যাগ করে এসেছিলো অপুর সঙ্গে জীবন কাটাতে। মা বাবার স্নেহ ভালোবাসা , বন্ধু দের সঙ্গ, নিজের দেশের হাওয়া মাটি সব...

একটা cafe তে বসলো গিয়ে। একটা কফি নিয়ে বসে ভাবলো মা ক ফোনে সব বলবে। পাশের টেবিল এ বসে একজন ফোনে এ কথা বলছে। গলাটা খুব চেনা।  ও তো কাওকেই চেনে না এখানে। বুঝতে দেরি হলো না যে পাশের টেবিল এ বসে আছে সুমন, ওর ছোটবেলার বন্ধু। খুব অবাক হলো।  জানেনা মৌলি কি হবে কিন্তু ভগবান কে অনেক ধন্যবাদ জানালো। সুমন কে সব বললো। সুমন একজন নাম করা ব্যবসায়ী ওই শহরের। ওর একটা রেস্টুরেন্ট এর chain আছে।  মৌলি কে নিজের বাড়ি তে নিয়ে গেল।  পরের দিন সকালে মৌলি দেখলো সে ব্রেকফাস্ট করছে একটা সুন্দর পরিবার এর সঙ্গে যার স্বপ্ন দেখেছিলো সে বহু বছর ধরে।  সে ভেবেছিলো যে প্রবাদ বাক্য আছে না 'যে শই সে রই ' মা ছোট থেকে শিখিয়েছিলো , সেটা হয়তো সত্যি।  একদিন সব ঠিক হয়ে যাবে। কিন্তু বোঝেনি যে এই দুনিয়া তে অনেক নির্মম মানুষ আছে যাদের মধ্যে মনুষ্যত্ব হারিয়ে গিয়ে বাসা বেঁধেছে পয়সার লোভ, আরও নানান রকমের লালসা।  মনে মনে ভাবছিল মৌলি যে সুমন কে বলবে যে ও দেশে ফিরে যেতে চাই এবং তার কি কি ব্যবস্থা করা যাই।  কিন্তু সুমন এর মাথাতে অন্য প্ল্যান ছিল।  সুমন জানতো যে মৌলি hotel management নিয়ে masters করেছিল। সুমন মৌলি কে একটা চাকরির প্রস্তাব দিলো। ওর একটা হোটেল এর ব্রাঞ্চ এর জন্য ও একজন কে খুঁজছে।  মৌলি মনে মনে ভাবলো যে সত্যি এটাও সম্ভব! যেখানে সমস্ত দরজা বন্ধ হয়ে যাচ্ছিলো তার জীবনে, সেখানে এতো অলৌকিক একটা ব্যাপার। নিজেকে আবার খুঁজে পেলো সেই প্রাণবন্ত মেয়েটি। নিজের সব শখ আবার করে মনে পড়লো। ও তো ভুলেই গেছিলো যে ও ভালো ছবি আঁকতো , ভালো গান গাইতো , খুব ভালো লিখতো। মাঝখানের কয়েকটা বছর কি ভাবে নষ্ট করেছে নিজে। একটা ভয় কাজ করতো সব সময়।  শশুর বাড়ি তে কিছু করলেই সেটা নিয়ে একটা অশান্তি হতো, তুলনা করা হতো , অদ্ভুত ব্যাপার সব তাই খুব polished ভাবে। খুব ভদ্র ভাবে। তাই ও ভাবলোবাসা কে বাঁচাতে গিয়ে সব বিসর্জন দিয়েছিলো। তাই মৌলি ক্রমশ নিজের চাকরির সঙ্গে সঙ্গে গান, ছবি আঁকা  সব শুরু করলো। এদিকে অপু কিন্তু কোনো খবর নেয়নি। ও মৌলির বাড়িতে  ফোন করে বলে যে মৌলির যে চারত্রিক ত্রুটি ছিল সেটা প্রমাণ করার জন্য ঘর থেকে চলে গেছে। মিথ্যা অপবাদ দিলো। আচ্ছা ভালোবাসা কি সত্যি আছে? কোথায় থাকে এই আবেগ? মৌলি কে কি অপু ভালোবাসেইনি না কি career ফ্রন্ট সিট নিয়ে নিলো!!! অপু ভুলে গেল কি যে ওর ক্যারিয়ার এর উন্নতির পিছনে মৌলির নিঃস্বার্থ ভালোবাসা ছিল, ছিল অনেক ত্যাগ , যার কথা সে কোনোদিন কাওকে বলেনি।

A pen is mightier than a sword
A thought is stronger than the action....

It has been more than seven years ..I was so engrossed in this rat race of life that I forgot about my 'Miles'.
This post is dedicated to a lady named Cornelia. I saw her in 2011 when I was screening nannies for Sonu, then 6 year old. The lady who I met before Corry ( As we called Cornelia) was very professional, good, polite but there was a gelling problem between the nanny and the boy. I don't remember right now how abruptly that ended but I am sure it was not more than a month. Then came Corry. I am never very picky....never was. I wanted to take a chance...her look didn't seem very normal to me but again I wanted to take the risk, of course a secret calculated risk. She entered our life. It was good, very good. She became a part of our family. She played with Sonu, read him books, introduced him to colors, jumped with him in the pools, communicated in German (very important). She was very punctual and I was very relieved due to this.They played and fought and complained just like kids. Life was very lively back then. She liked Indian food that I cooked. I loved the way she served the bowl of fruits to Sonu. She cooked something German for him and I used to cook for both of us after I was back from work. Yes I had to organize the house after that, I found many cups full of tea on the windows of the apartment in Munich...BUT WHO CARES. We got along so well that I felt sad to leave her when I left Munich in 2013. I agonized more for Corry because I felt very satisfied that I could also take care of her. She was sort of alone. But life moves on. She got another job and we moved on in Stuttgart with another phase of life. I was not doing good during the year 2014-2015. Most probably in 2015 we invited Corry to Stuttgart on Sonu's birthday. We all went to the Black forest and we spent such a nice time together. She was touched by the fact that we were paying for her stay, her food...Really!!!! Isn't that normal?  We reflected on her past and visited her maternal roots ( just the house) which was on our way from Black Forest to  Stuttgart. Contentment is when you see a person getting emotional and remembering her by gone days.
 Corry and I both have issues with mental health. 2019 was not a very good time for my mental health again.
Saturday morning 2019, Stuttgart- We were on our way to the Indian store in Stuttgart. I told Kuntal that I am missing Munich and he offered me a drive to Munich. Thanks a lot to Kuntal and thanks to God that we both tune perfectly in such situations. Daily chores never get a priority when gut feeling peeps in.While we were on our way to Munich, I called Corry but she sounded very low ; I didn't dare to disclose that we were coming to Munich because couple of days back she informed me that she is not in a state to meet someone or talk to someone.We reached Munich to my very close friend cum sister and this sweet sister asked me to go for a walk with Kuntal and relax a bit.
We were strolling in Westpark and remembering our times together, the first b'day celebration of Sonu after coming to Germnay there, his bike, my inlaws, a long list. Before moving further I reminded kuntal that we must go back because he uses my GPS (brain navigation) when we walk together. I was afraid that my GPS would hang. We turned around and we saw to our utter surprise Corry...She hugged us and kissed us with so much affection. We kept looking at each other with love and warmth and we experience such warmth only from parents. Her eyes were wet and we sat there for 45 mins. She looked so pale and weak and had lost few pounds and she was stooping. Sad but true...age matters. She saw Sonu and was taken aback by his height and their attachment was the same as before.
We invited her to Stuttgart.
She came to visit us in the middle of June. She liked our apartment a lot. She was helping me in cleaning. I was feeling bad that she is doing that at this age. It was difficult for me or rather us to accept that Corry is growing old. She loved my cooking and I loved cooking for her. She wanted to learn how I cooked Chinese noodles. It was difficult to accept that Corry has lost all that energy I used to boast about. She couldn't walk so fast like before. But her enthusiasm was high and so was her spirit.
I sat with her and spent hours talking to her. She is a German and I am an Indian by birth. Naturally I could have a queue of questions to know her, her family etc etc but somehow I am not natural. I am a real weirdo. I always had the decency of not indulging my blunt nose in anybody's life. I had never wanted to know from Corry about her past life. She had told me several times and I was a good listener. Sorry that I have a selective memory. The only fact that remains in my mind was that she was from a very rich background but had a miserable childhood. Lesson learnt: MONEY IS NOT EVERYTHING. I have her childhood pictures, the picture of her siblings, her house. She once brought a huge suitcase full of her childhood memories because Sonu needed that for his school project. But this time in June  we discussed about Life.. She always adored our family, she liked my mother so much, she respected our culture to the core and tried to learn something, she appreciated the warmth of our family ....not only at the nuclear level but also at the extended level. One noon over a cup of green tea she asked me "what would you like to change in your life if you are given a chance ..for example imagine you are 30 years old now". I said  " actually nothing. I am so contented with my life that I cant ask for more. I have no regrets. I feel that the best has happened to me and it will keep happening" I asked the same to her and it was a very deep conversation. She said, "If I was 30 years old now I would have married some decent human being. I would have kids and a family. I had lived with men but it was always a wrong selection. I was in Art and naturally I was having relationships with artists. But nobody qualified to be a responsible person. I was the main earning person always." All were parasites.  She explored her life at that time ...Art, travel, and she spent a lot on money on her wishes. She also regrets that she did not save money.Finally she had married someone who was an alcoholic and suicidal and he had committed suicide. She acknowledged several times that we are her family. I had left Munich in 2013 and during the past 6-7 years we met probably 5 times but we always miss her and I feel concerned of her well being. I cherish these moments of life where you can hear an old person who has lived her life many years, who has her moments of "What if" and when she has thought that you are a person worth telling her tales. These are the moments of life which you can only capture in your thoughts, not in  a video shoot neither as a picture.
During her one week stay at our abode in Stuttgart she felt for the apartment, she found so much positivity there and I introduced her to some meditation techniques. She kept practicing while I was at my work. I kept food ready for her which I always love to but she was so engrossed with the spiritual talks that she was only drinking tea.
During this week I had to leave Stuttgart to receive maa from Munich and she stayed alone at our apartment. I felt so bad about myself that I had to leave her alone  and my anxiety level was at the peak then but she was not thinking in that way at all. She went for a haircut, sent me pictures.
We always have spent such good time together. It is sad that geographically we have moved far away from her but the closeness of the heart remains the same. She told me before leaving our apartment to take good care of the Ganesha which she had gifted to us (2014, Sonu's birthday).
Till date she is the only German friend I have ...in 10 years of time. This reminds me of two persons whom I met in Germany, truly Germans and very kind hearted. I would like to write about them sometime. Till then...alvida..

Memory

Life is going so fast and becoming more and more meaningful. I am enjoying life, happy to have the responsibility of a eight year old boy. There is so much to learn from children. One morning I learnt from Kuntal that children ONLY can stay in their present. Really they enjoy the present time.
We stay now in a small  town called Endersbach . This house is very nice, full of light and energy. I miss Munich but the memory of Munich gives me so much energy and life. I had nice friends there. I had not much time there like as I have now. I wanted somehow to live the life little bit away from LIFE...let me elaborate. I am a very outgoing person ..a type who dies to talk to close friends, keep giggling, keep sharing jokes and gossip sometimes. I don't know why I don't want to continue that any more. Is this age? Or is it that I don't want to waste time in life any more. The soul feels more to realize the meaning of life, the duties as a human being. I get so much solace to meditate, seeing myself.......lord be with me so that I can face the ups and downs of life.....so I can pass on the light to Sidharth.
Al vida

Want to share my feelings after a long time. The time passed on being busy with lots of transitions in life. From Holzkirchen to Munich, Sonu from kindergarten to Bavarian International School, my lab moving from Schillerstrasse 44 to Martinsried.
I came back from Durgapur on 15th October,after the most traumatic event of my life since birth. I lost my baba darling, the most honest and simple person I have ever met. He was a caring and friendly being. I know I had occupied a lot of place in his heart and soul and mind. The last few days are so fresh in my mind. I still am not able to accept the fact.
Anyways, after coming back to Munich I tried to start my daily routine as well as Sonu's as early as possible. I am still not able to concentrate. I always feel a heavy heart and a loss, a void inside me. So my wishes could not be fulfilled. I wanted to bring maa baba to Munich next year. I wanted to send him a birthday cake this time. I want to hug him once more. The last time I saw him healthy was in January 2011 when we were in Durgapur after Badsha's wedding.I am the luckiest daughter to have got such a wonderful dad.
The last time he smiled was 4 or 5 days before his death. He smiled and told me that he thinks that he cannot get up anymore  from the bed.It was true. He was not aware of what disease he has.He thought he just has jaundice. He hoped everyday to improve but it was just the opposite. I remember the eyes looking at me with so much hope telling me"What are you all planning for me?"A person who hated hospitals, medicines.....was begging to get admitted to the Mission Hospital in Durgapur.He wanted to take all sorts of medical aid...just to LIVE.

hmmm after so many months. Entshuldigung my dear friends... But now I am not sitting at home but working in a very nice lab. I am enjoying my life though there is lot of struggle. But there is some value for myself. I am learning German now , we have a private tutor at home from my honorable husband's company. My day begins with my sonubabu, his new ideas, new words of maturaty, transittinf from a small child to a small boy. Then after dropping him in his kindergarten, i have to rush for the BOB Bayerische Oberland Bahn and reach my lab in 45 mins. Sometimes I dont understand how the time flies and i get totally engrossed in work.