shock

The twin blasts of Hyderabad is still in my mind as if it had happened just yesterday. Didibhai and her family had come to visit us from germany , especially to see kuntal after the train accident. I came back from College and unusually i was very tired that day. Otherwise we were planning to visit Lumbini Park.
Just during tea time in the evening, we were speechless while watching the news. There was a horrible blast in Lumbini park and Gokul chaat bhandar. kuntal tells so many times he had visited this chat bhandar in Koti. People kept discussing about the terror attack that day and the next and the next. The next day when i went to college i heard from my colleagues that one of my close friend's brother was a victim and he expired. It was a real shock for me. She was from the dept of Physiotherapy, Dr Madhavi. We were partners in the staff bus on our journey to college. We used to have lot of fun in the bus for 4 hrs everyday in the bus. We had shared our views about life, spiritual ideas, exchanged rituals and customs of our states. Shortly she was very close to my heart. I still remember her words which she had told me about her family. She had a younger sister and a young brother who were more like her kids than siblings. The age difference was too much. So after the blast i kept remembering and wondered how she is managing the crisis period. I wanted to be on her side but she stayed quite far off from my place and the city was still quite furious about the disaster.
After a month or so Madhavi came to college. When i saw her in the bus, i was taken aback, like how to speak to her, what to tell her, and how to console her. But she was having the same smile in her face. I think God gives the power to every being to adapt to everything. Anyway, she started talking and explained me in details what had happened. Saiswaroop was her brother's name. He had gone to tution for some course and he did not attend the physics class . Instead he went to Gokul Chaat bhandar . His mobile was also switched off , he was unaware of the blast in lumbini park also. Madhavi and her family kept waiting for him, but he never returned. Madhavi never used to have dinner without Sai. She was waiting in the gate for him but he was in the hospital then in the morgue. After waiting for long she started watching news. And in the news she saw her brother's dead body. She rushed to the hospital with some cousin brothers. She could not inform this to her aged parents who were simple enough not to get any clue of
this trauma of their life. Next day they brought the body and they got the shock of their life. Her dad could not sleep for the next few months. And madhavi also became somehow quiet.
But life has to go on. So she really was a bold girl and she took the responsibility of the family. The first thing she did was she arranged for her marriage. She shared with me once 'If i marry my dad and mom will be busy with the arrangements and keep themselves engaged and may be they may forget for some moment.'
Still I remember her words. She got married and now she has got a baby. A baby boy. Maybe Saiswaroop has come back to his sister.

Augsburg to Holzkirchen

OOps ! After a long time i got the scope to express myself again. I am here in this page after almost 2months. In this gap i was in a shifting mode. Leaving Augsburg was painful, especially leaving dadu alone there in Ludwig strasse. He was so much broken down at our departure that still that moment is in my nerves. When we reached Warngau, the temporary accommodation which Sandoz had provided for our stay for a month, it was 10.45 pm. The owner of the house came to receive us from the station. We felt quite nice for the first few days especially when didibhai and kajolda came to spend with us for a couple of days. But life became boring after few days....there was no phone, no internet connection. But fortunately i could maintain my regular chats with didibhai. But this detachment from the world was quite helpful in many ways. I could realize how life was before technology was developed. I became more close to God. In certain cases i feel it was an eyeopener for me. I missed my parents and my friends a lot. It was as if God has shown me a path. God has made me realize that i was wrong in certain matters of life. I was In fact too good which is not at all necessary. When we shifted to the other temporary accommodation for 5 days i understood some more values of life. I started reading a e book- Are we good enough . I was astonished to notice that it has solved so many of my problems within a night. The book narrates about a couple who are too busy with life and have similar complications which we all face in our day to day life. I modified myself after reading the whole story.
My Modifications are: I have become more oriented and focused in life now. My focus is my family right now. I have stopped pleasing people . Previously i used to perform many duties to please others. Now a strict no no to that. I am more straightforward now. So what did i gain from that? LOTS. I have lot of time for myself and my family. I take care of my home much better than before. I give peace to my soul and rest to my body. I know this change is difficult to accept by others.But there is not other way to boost up my confidence level and help me manage my Identity Crisis.
Now i am in Holzkirchen which is a very beautiful place. I am in love with this wonderful place and home. Thanks kuntal for this residence. We have a small garden which of course is Not beautiful and colorful now. But after the winter i am surely going to make my dream come true-A heaven's garden. This house is just how i wanted it to be. And we have bought the minimum furnitures to suffice our needs. what else do we want from life? nothing but to make use of the moment. Human nature is we never dwell on the present. we keep pondering how nice our childhood was, keep missing our parents, friends , relatives when we are so far off from them. When we keep thinking all these about our past , we also think how nice it would have been if it was like this and that and so on and so forth... And we forget to live the present. Like at this moment God has blessed me with a nice family, a wonderful cute child and a romantic husband. So instead of thinking about Augsburg and India and the rest of the world i should focus on sonu, how to make his day the best..Thats what i am doing nowadays. Enjoying my world. I want to see my family as OWNER'S PRIDE AND NEIGHBOR'S ENVY. I know i may be visualised as a self centered being, a selfish lady and so on. Only that much? I can stand such comments. But i am happy , that is enough for me. Making others happy is very difficult, but making yourself happy is easy . So I am happy, will be happy throughout.

A strange connection

What i wished for once actually happens. This is true. Whichever targets were there deep into the mind, has taken place. I had a urge to study in one of the best centers for basic sciences and i could do it. The life there had taught me to live in this world alone. But each day brought to me friends for my whole life- sayani, nithya, joe, nimmi, and countless. Sayani has always been a part of my life. She was there in all my ups and downs. And i also tried to tie the bondage in the same way. My better half also knows this . But I could not be by her side when she was having her worst time in life. But distance was the barrier. Anyway what i started with is the strange connection. When I went to Kolkata once when sonu was 1.5yrs most probably during his Rani pishi's wedding, I met a lady , Ratna, in the airport. She was also entertaining her child who was younger than sonu. Our wavelength matched and we kept chatting. Both of us loved each others kid. And then as usual we parted. But somehow i just remembered her face and her cute child. And eventually i saved her number in my cell fone. After returning i think she called me once. But i was at that time in the turmoil of job, my small kid, a struggling life and practically no support of time ... even not a maid servant. Time factor does not support us all the times in life. We get to hear lot of supporting words like o my God u have to struggle so much and bla bla bla.. but practically I and kuntal were having toughest of times. Anyway, after that time so many incidents happened....and 2.5 yrs passed by. Just before leaving hyd and moving to a foreign continent we both once went to a clinic to get some reports of kuntal and there i was so surprised to meet ratna again. Even she could recognize me and we didn't have words to express. She looked quite bloated and she apparently was talking of some high sugar level of hers.
I just keep wondering of this strange connection which make us meet some people surprisingly in life. Is it a mere coincidence or a connection ?

A fine morning in Augsburg

Born with a zodiac sign Sagittarius I hate daily routine, I hate monotony. Of course certain things r unavoidable. They need to be done. But I keep trying to break the monotony of things which can be done the other way round. Like today i just kept myself away from the net and gave full attention to sonu. I didn't kept myself busy in the household work which seems inevitable to homemakers.
The first concept which had attracted me to come abroad was the time 4 self. I believe that every being should dedicate some time to our soul. Sometimes i feel such a peace chanting the gayitri mantra and admastotra.. It gives a different treat to the soul.
Another way to give relief and time to self is do what u loved to do once upon a time. I never did this. I always gave some time to myself. Books were forever my best friend. And still they are. Jhumpa lahiri and Chetan bhagath......novels of Sarathchandra...Satyajit ray touched my heart...and I feel that I am doing something meaningful in life. Today while we both toured towards the park near Bruntal, sonu had fun making sand house with a cute chinese girl . The girl's mom was playing and building the sand house with sonu. I was deep in the new book Unaccustomed earth by Jhumpa. Kuntal bought it last week. I hope she had written more books that what she is doing now. I have read Interpretation of maladies so many times, by-hear-ted Namesake and even watched the movie whenever chance came. Ashok says there books are for Traveling the whole world without moving an inch. What a say.. Again this book says Human nature will not flourish, any more than a potato, if it be planted and replanted, for too long a series of generations, in the same worn-out soil. By Nathaniel Hawthorne.The another good quality I like about her books is that she can explain the typical lifestyle of bengalis in such a simple yet perfect way. It reminds me of so many instances of our day to day life.
Sonu has recently started enjoying Gopalbhar. Its a comic character and I have introduced to him the comic and witty personality which even i enjoyed a lot. And still I love to watch gopal in you tube. Its such a fun to be with kids. I realise that the child within me also gets up and keeps giggling with sonu. Thank u God for giving me such a gift. His love, smile, tantrums, everything makes my life worth living. I am really enjoying MOTHERHOOD.

Amar chelebela( My childhood)

I have spend 18 Yrs of my life in Durgapur , The Steel City. Born to very simple parents in a middle class family, I was destined to see some of the hardships of life. But at the same time I was very lucky to get so many opportunities in life which helped me in so many occasions in life to prove myself. My mother was ( and is) a very courageous lady and she has always given us the mental strength. She was a real teacher to me and my elder sister(Didibhai). She enjoys teaching children ..she has lot of patience and she also took the opportunity to teach sonu the first alphabets whenever she got a chance. Baba is always a simple and down to earth human being anybody can imagine. Honesty can be the other name of my dad and fortunately i have inherited that. But fortune is always followed by misfortune...Unfortunately i am not outspoken at all which I think is really painful... so many instances i just cant express what i feel.... But but but this nature of mine was there till i became a mother ...sonu's birth has changed me to a far extent....But i want to be more expressive.
I had so many childhood friends other than my school friends..I have spent the best saraswati puja, Holi, rakhsha bandhan, picnics, Viswakarma puja with friends in Sagarbhanga colony J-Block. We had very hectic time in school with unit tests, all sorts of activities, surprise tests, homeworks....But still that time was so good, so memorable, so refreshing. Can anyone tell me how to bring the same time back so that we all can again again enjoy the time of togetherness, play all sorts of childhood games... and share our day to day stories. It has been years that we all have met together.
I have not got the taste of guavas, mangoes, lichi s, taalshash .......everything tastes different now..
May be its the touch of those warm fingers that makes the difference , A mother's touch.

intro

I, Mahua(Roy) Chatterjee...coined this Miles coz I have to go Miles... feel i have loads to do for this world, serve mankind(truly) not for name, fame...but A REAL SATISFACTION...
Of late I have found some change in my thoughts....10 years back mahua has somewhat somehow changed.....
Whats that bug that has changed me..........thanks
Is it age that changes a person, or environment, or our day to day experiences? can anyone think how much we all change from one year to another and so on and on....

Last year whenI was traveling to Kolkata , I met one aged gentleman in the train....co passenger...At first i was lil uncomfortable...like why this uncle is there in our coup...his looks were somehow unfriendly. After an hr or so i realised he is not that bad( common expression of me). Gradually he was attracted to Sonu (My 3.5 yrs old child). He was speaking to him, playing with him..Oh I just missed one info.. about Uncle ji. He was accompanied by his daughter. She was quite pretty, smart, very tall, and very outspoken ( typical girl of this generation which i really DO APPRECIATE when they express without being aggressive.)
It just took half a day for me to get accustomed to this environment after which i became friendly to the environment . What i noticed about Uncle was that he was so caring towards his daughter and pampering her so much. Next day post lunch he told me or rather advised me that i should write a biography of my son. It seemed so intersting to me...what an idea sirji...i thought.
He told that we dont know what this child is going to become someday...may be a great person... so from his time of birth if I write what all happened in his life, all the good memories, bad times, best times...it will be so nice...after he grows little old I can hand over that biography to him.
That idea touched me and he himself actually did the same for his daughter...
May be i shall pen down some of my beautiful, mind refreshing experiences to make sonu feel proud of his childhood...and know how I had cherished all the diamond moments of his life..