Friday, October 30, 2009

shock

The twin blasts of Hyderabad is still in my mind as if it had happened just yesterday. Didibhai and her family had come to visit us from germany , especially to see kuntal after the train accident. I came back from College and unusually i was very tired that day. Otherwise we were planning to visit Lumbini Park.
Just during tea time in the evening, we were speechless while watching the news. There was a horrible blast in Lumbini park and Gokul chaat bhandar. kuntal tells so many times he had visited this chat bhandar in Koti. People kept discussing about the terror attack that day and the next and the next. The next day when i went to college i heard from my colleagues that one of my close friend's brother was a victim and he expired. It was a real shock for me. She was from the dept of Physiotherapy, Dr Madhavi. We were partners in the staff bus on our journey to college. We used to have lot of fun in the bus for 4 hrs everyday in the bus. We had shared our views about life, spiritual ideas, exchanged rituals and customs of our states. Shortly she was very close to my heart. I still remember her words which she had told me about her family. She had a younger sister and a young brother who were more like her kids than siblings. The age difference was too much. So after the blast i kept remembering and wondered how she is managing the crisis period. I wanted to be on her side but she stayed quite far off from my place and the city was still quite furious about the disaster.
After a month or so Madhavi came to college. When i saw her in the bus, i was taken aback, like how to speak to her, what to tell her, and how to console her. But she was having the same smile in her face. I think God gives the power to every being to adapt to everything. Anyway, she started talking and explained me in details what had happened. Saiswaroop was her brother's name. He had gone to tution for some course and he did not attend the physics class . Instead he went to Gokul Chaat bhandar . His mobile was also switched off , he was unaware of the blast in lumbini park also. Madhavi and her family kept waiting for him, but he never returned. Madhavi never used to have dinner without Sai. She was waiting in the gate for him but he was in the hospital then in the morgue. After waiting for long she started watching news. And in the news she saw her brother's dead body. She rushed to the hospital with some cousin brothers. She could not inform this to her aged parents who were simple enough not to get any clue of
this trauma of their life. Next day they brought the body and they got the shock of their life. Her dad could not sleep for the next few months. And madhavi also became somehow quiet.
But life has to go on. So she really was a bold girl and she took the responsibility of the family. The first thing she did was she arranged for her marriage. She shared with me once 'If i marry my dad and mom will be busy with the arrangements and keep themselves engaged and may be they may forget for some moment.'
Still I remember her words. She got married and now she has got a baby. A baby boy. Maybe Saiswaroop has come back to his sister.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Augsburg to Holzkirchen

OOps ! After a long time i got the scope to express myself again. I am here in this page after almost 2months. In this gap i was in a shifting mode. Leaving Augsburg was painful, especially leaving dadu alone there in Ludwig strasse. He was so much broken down at our departure that still that moment is in my nerves. When we reached Warngau, the temporary accommodation which Sandoz had provided for our stay for a month, it was 10.45 pm. The owner of the house came to receive us from the station. We felt quite nice for the first few days especially when didibhai and kajolda came to spend with us for a couple of days. But life became boring after few days....there was no phone, no internet connection. But fortunately i could maintain my regular chats with didibhai. But this detachment from the world was quite helpful in many ways. I could realize how life was before technology was developed. I became more close to God. In certain cases i feel it was an eyeopener for me. I missed my parents and my friends a lot. It was as if God has shown me a path. God has made me realize that i was wrong in certain matters of life. I was In fact too good which is not at all necessary. When we shifted to the other temporary accommodation for 5 days i understood some more values of life. I started reading a e book- Are we good enough . I was astonished to notice that it has solved so many of my problems within a night. The book narrates about a couple who are too busy with life and have similar complications which we all face in our day to day life. I modified myself after reading the whole story.
My Modifications are: I have become more oriented and focused in life now. My focus is my family right now. I have stopped pleasing people . Previously i used to perform many duties to please others. Now a strict no no to that. I am more straightforward now. So what did i gain from that? LOTS. I have lot of time for myself and my family. I take care of my home much better than before. I give peace to my soul and rest to my body. I know this change is difficult to accept by others.But there is not other way to boost up my confidence level and help me manage my Identity Crisis.
Now i am in Holzkirchen which is a very beautiful place. I am in love with this wonderful place and home. Thanks kuntal for this residence. We have a small garden which of course is Not beautiful and colorful now. But after the winter i am surely going to make my dream come true-A heaven's garden. This house is just how i wanted it to be. And we have bought the minimum furnitures to suffice our needs. what else do we want from life? nothing but to make use of the moment. Human nature is we never dwell on the present. we keep pondering how nice our childhood was, keep missing our parents, friends , relatives when we are so far off from them. When we keep thinking all these about our past , we also think how nice it would have been if it was like this and that and so on and so forth... And we forget to live the present. Like at this moment God has blessed me with a nice family, a wonderful cute child and a romantic husband. So instead of thinking about Augsburg and India and the rest of the world i should focus on sonu, how to make his day the best..Thats what i am doing nowadays. Enjoying my world. I want to see my family as OWNER'S PRIDE AND NEIGHBOR'S ENVY. I know i may be visualised as a self centered being, a selfish lady and so on. Only that much? I can stand such comments. But i am happy , that is enough for me. Making others happy is very difficult, but making yourself happy is easy . So I am happy, will be happy throughout.